#YK WHAT I DO GET EXCITED ABOUT. biology. BC OF COURSE😭

[buggbuzz]

alexithymia is crazy bro. gaslighted my autistic ass into thinking i didnt have to worry abt that shit cause im pretty emotionally intelligent but recently ive been thinking and like. yeah lol i dont get excited over things that are objectively exciting and i dont get upset when something should piss me off, but maybe hours later on i'll get amped up or upset about it. i dont get very emotionally invested in things either. i literally only experience my vague background mood, super strong emotions, and feelings that are congruent with what im thinking. like, my thoughts are angry about something, so i can feel angry about it. but if there's a cognitive dissonance between my thoughts and my emotions, i won't really experience the emotions.

but like the emotions are still there, so wells of resentment can still build up until i explode out of nowhere, or i won't realize i'm romantically attracted to someone but i'll still act very gay without realizing it until later lol (which makes figuring our whether you want to date someone VERY HARD btw😭)

anytime people are excited to see my reaction to something i groan internally because i know im not gonna have a strong emotional reaction to it so i'll have to play it up for their sake cause i know how fun it is to show friends things.

i also realized yesterday that maybe this is the reason i get so easily overwhelmed and stressed by literally so much, even if its not that big of a deal or actually a good thing, cause i don't feel those positive emotions or excitement, but i do very clearly feel the stress about new things to deal with. and so there's no excitement/sadness/anger to counterbalance the stress of "New Things and Uncomfortable Situations" which means i have no motivation to follow through and a lot of motivation to avoid it.

like, if someone was like, "dude your favorite thing is happening in this place!!!" there's a very muffled oh wow that sounds so fun and exciting i would love to see that that i cant even feel at the moment and a very LOUD but then i have to go outside and have everyone staring at me and i have to disrupt my schedule and go to this new place with new things and so i end up with this net result of "that sounds like hell" because the excitement doesn't show up to make it feel like it's worth it

ive also just never been the type to care about holidays or outings which does not help💀

anyways not sure to do with this but i feel like understanding this was the next step to getting more control over my life so 💪💪💪 we will figure it out!

[robertseanleonardthinker]

do u perchance have anything you could share with me in regards to college-level wildlife biology? i know you’re majoring in something like that and it’s one of my top career picks. i just went on a university tour for my sibling and their biology department was very disappointing and very agriculture-based. i’m much more interested in wildlife biology and zoology, as well as botany and arboriculture, which you might also be familiar with. idk i’m just yapping atp but i was hoping you could provide me some insight on these matters (classes, programs, material, etc) :)

ok hiii here i am answering ur ask 👅 (<- that emoji looks so gross on my computer wtf 😭😭)

idk if i have much of value to share with u, seeing as im only in my first year 😭 here is a spreadsheet from the wildlife society of schools that offer wildlife bio and similar degrees (organized by state) (....ur in the states, right?). some programs, depending on where u live/go, will just naturally be more agriculture-based, bc that tends to be a bigger interest in that area.

definitely see if the schools ur looking at have a chapter of the wildlife society!! they can help u gain rlly important skills and connections for a future career. wildlife careers are, unfortunately, as much about who you know as what you know. getting connections early is a good idea.

ur gonna do a lot of science. a LOT. so much science. mainly biology (obviously), but ur very likely gonna have to take some chemistry and physical sciences. possibly even more than that depending on ur school.

non-science classes will likely include statistics (most science degrees i've heard of require stats), geographic information systems (gis), and possibly some courses related to ethics and/or law in wildlife conservation and management.

this isn't that great of info tbh, sorry 😅 i'd maybe have better answers for more specific questions. i'm mostly going off of what my school is doing, so yk, this may not be universal. ik i complain on here a lot, but i rlly do love it so far. is it hard? yeah. but college-level biology is awesome. i love this shit. i'm so excited to take more classes next semester and rlly get into the deeper stuff.